When days were young and full of life, to the forest would I go
and often sit on logs of moss, eyes watchful and in wait
one morn he strode with antlers tall, firm hand bent back my bow
yet pause it did when his gaze fell, on golden flowers of fate
Could let loose I that arrow cruel, upon unguarded head?
it seemed amiss and I dared not, until his eyes found mine
release did I, and arrow flew, to mighty flank embed
the aim was true but leap did he, away o’er fallen pine
With a curse I stood and loosed again, aware that he was flown
that fearsome crown of chestnut rack, slipped from out my grasp
and so stood I in grasses still, no prize to call my own
when trod my foot on flowers gold, that careful hand did clasp
While prongs would keep, petals did fade, yet no regret there lies
For now I see treasure is life, to all beneath the skies.
About the Creator
Joe O’Connor
New Zealander
English teacher
Short stories and poems📚
Please be honest- I would love your constructive feedback, as it's the only way I'll get better. Would rather it was pointed out so I can improve!
Currently writing James The Wonderer
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insight
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
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Comments (9)
Congratulations on your honorable mention! 🎉
Wooohooooo congratulations on your honourable mention! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
True sportsmanship, to see the worth in the creature and not just the hunt. True artistry in your work, too.
I cant believe he looked him in the eye and loosed the arrow! But there was a change, I suppose!
nicely done, joe. Your imagery is vivid and cinematic.
Nicely lyrical Joe! 😃
Well done, Joe. I enjoyed the archaic feel of the sentence structure.
I loved the rhythm and creative wording throughout this poem. Wonderful rhymes. You evoked a beautiful picture with vivid descriptions. I heard a bit of my father echoing in this poem. He never missed a chance to point out wildlife running free so that we could appreciate their beauty. Now he's gone when I see an elk or deer run past or geese fly overhead I still hear my father's voice, look, look!
I enjoy the rhythm of this poem and reading it out loud. The last line is also a beautiful gem. (relieved and happy, the gorgeous creature lived)