Fear.

Fear is clever, and fear is what stops us from making silly, reckless decisions. But too much fear, and trauma, and bad experiences, and stress can poison us.

I suffer from panic disorder; probably from too many experiences of all of the above, and the older I get, the less I am able to cope with that electric wire of panic as it zips from my guts to my head. I take a pill every night to help take the jagged edge off, but I think I'm more prone to the dark torturous, knife edged spears of fear than ever before.

Like most people, if not all, with anxiety, I suffer from a chronic case of the 'what ifs', and most especially if I'm run-down. I can torture myself with the worst case scenario, because then surely the reality won't be as bad, right? If you know, you know, let's just say.

So, as I often do, I wrote a poem, exploring what fear means to me. Thanks.

Fear is...

Fear is the inky black shroud

Covering self-belief

With its gluey persistence

And its toxic smoke of lies.

It's the shadowy shape a few feet down

On your wild swim.

Fear is the crawling sensation

Climbing your spine

With icy claws

And frigid breath

On a lone journey home

At the end of a night.

Fear is 'Will I sleep tonight?'

Or will I lie awake

In lonely agony

My heart racing

Thinking

Of loss, of inability, of crippling powerlessness?

But fear is a coward.

And if you stand and shout

'Get out! You aren't welcome here!'

If you project light onto his twisted face

You'll find he soon slinks away

To his hole. Alone.

Thanks for reading. I wonder do you recognise any of your own fears here? Don't forget, fear hates the light. Bring your fear to the light. Talk, share your worries and you'll find fear loses his power over you.