Failed Suicide

I dreamt of a body

Laying in a pool of its own blood

On the first floor by the spiral staircase

Bent at twisted angles

And then it was gone

Vanished, almost instantly

I leaned farther over the bannister

From where I stood on the third floor

I noticed the trail of blood

That led down the hallway

And out the door

Into the vastness of the night

He didn’t vanish

He fled

He had raped her

The girl crying and screaming on the fifth floor

He didn’t mean to

But he somehow couldn’t manage to stop himself

Like a bad dream,

He wasn’t in control of himself

The guilt, the remorse, the dread and fear

As he realized that there lived a monster inside him

Hiding beneath the surface

Waiting for any moment of weakness

To break free

And wreak havoc

So he had jumped

To save anyone else from getting hurt

Though his blood pooled around him

Threatening to drown him,

It dawned on him that death wasn’t coming for him

Panic had hit

And he fled,

Limping and bleeding

Scared and anxious.

Rather than face himself

Rather than face his mistakes,

He ran away.

He tried desperately to kill off the version of himself that had failed

To re-emerge as someone new in a new life with no responsibility or consequences for his actions

Running seemed like it would be the easier choice

But it wouldn’t be long

Until he realized that running away meant he’d ALWAYS be running

Without a moment to catch his breath,

To catch a rest or find peace.

Without a moment for his own evolution