The art of Problem solving during a Pandemic

What if,

now hear me out

For the sake of time

You give me your nose

To take to get tested

For COVID-19

While you go to work

To provide for our family

It’ll be easy.

With my index and middle fingers

I’ll pinch your nose

Right off of your heartbreakingly handsome face

I’ll put it in a plastic baggie

But I’ll be sure to not seal it shut

So you can still breathe.

You still need to breathe.

you’re no good to me dead, sir!

I’ll show up to the drive-thru testing center

And roll down the window

And delicately hold your nose out

I’ll bring a copy of your ID

So the tester can identify you

“That’s his nose, alright”

“hold it still for me, please”

I’ll try not to wig out

When the swab enters your nostril

And your nose twitches and sniffles

At the discomfort.

Just breathe,

Stop wriggling

Between my fingers

What’s that, my love?

You’re worried about the gaping hole

left on your face?

“I have to interact with others. They might get freaked out that I’m MISSING MY NOSE.”

No, no, my love.

Don’t you fret

I may be taking your nose,

But you must still wear your mask

So no one

Will even know

That your nose isn’t present.

I know it’s not ideal,

Nor does it sound like fun

But what choice do we have?

You’re working hard for the family,

Retail has you stupid busy

People around us are testing positive

Left, right and center.

So, my love,

Take a deep breath

And let me take your nose

No, stop swatting at me,

Honey.

Stop it. You’re not listening to me.

Give me your nose-OW!

JUST LET ME HELP YOU.