Fading

Like a curtain

The dimness slowly falls over my vision

My eyelids begin to feel so heavy

I pretend nothing is happening

But in reality its grabbing me

Taking me back where I don't wanna be

Where there is nothing

I wonder which is the true reality

Because when I'm here

The world before

No longer feels real

My memories with color

Feel like they were only dreams

As if I never truly experienced them

As if they are not my memories

But memories for my other self

They will never be mine to cherish

This disconnection

This coldness

This aching

The feeling of my body weakening

The feeling of my heart breaking

The feeling of my mind numbing

The lack of feeling the sense of my own body

The lack of gravity to keep me attached to this earth

Is all I know

I try to connect with people hoping to be reminded I am here

But everyone feels so far away

Even when they're standing right in front of me

I feel as if they could walk right through me

Because I am just a ghost of my other self.

I'm sorry I don't really express myself

I'm sorry I don't laugh or smile much

I'm sorry I don't show you I love you enough

I'm sorry I'm not enough

I wish someone could hold me

Whenever I feel like I can't be held

I wish someone could love me

Whenever I feel like I can't.

But I know there is no help

Your hurt

Your desperation

Doesn't want to be seen

Put your hand down

There's a reason they're dismissing

They don't like to see you reaching

It's annoying

Detach

Take your pain and make it your only company

Curl up and hug yourself

Cry

Scream

Shiver

Let your heart pour out all over the floor

Shed your cracking shell

Alone in your dark room

For no one to see