Exorcisms of Violation

Be in the moment--just sit there

That's what I’m supposed to do now

About adults who didn’t know how to care

I lived through it once

Now I have to live it again

Probably for months

I just want to crawl out of my skin

I’ve circled and circled around

where I’ve already been

I try to get away

But I simply cannot win

They can tell you how long

It takes to mend a broken bone

But they can’t name the tune

Of your broken heart’s song

They can fly a man to the moon

Yet when you dare inquire

Will I be “well” again soon?

There's no clue when torment will expire

It's so hard to break the conditioning

Despite all of my petitioning

That I don’t have space or time

To make this clock of trauma unwind

Tick tick tick it goes in my chest

Reminding me that I’ll never rest

I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do

This pain for so long has been too real

It all seems so impossible to undo

I try so hard to hold onto hope

Yet I find myself at the end of my rope

What am I supposed to do

with the mess that I’ve become?

Pretending it isn’t true

Doesn’t cure what's been done

I want others to be accountable,

but I know they never will

The past seems insurmountable

How am I supposed to heal?

Questioning is a tactic of avoidance

But I don’t know how to stop it

That particular trauma is sealed

I don’t have the key to unlock it

I don’t want people to see my pain

I don’t want them to know

My darkest, deepest shame

It's just too ugly to show

It's too ugly to see

It's too painful to feel

Talking about it

Makes it too real

But I can’t keep burying

this dinosaur

This skeleton in my closet

is such an eyesore

I must dismantle it bit by bit

Until it's haunting finally quits