EmotionalLittleGirl.

emotion.

how i was filled to the brim with it, drowning.

doing my best to swim with it, doubting - myself - and everything else.

forever known, young and grown, as an emotional little girl.

i tried to explain it, but was ignored.

surely, solely, because i spoke with tears in my words.

how can they understand me when you get like that; is what they said.

how cant you understand me when i get like that; is there nothing in your head?

i was a child. merely ten.

tears coming every time there was something to be said.

i was over-flowing, under-knowing; what is wrong with me? do i have an invisible illness only i can see?

mother, father, sister, brother - a family by definition indeed. but what is a family, if they don’t give you what you need?

love, a small word with a meaning i am finally knowing,

had i had little when i was small, maybe the pains i felt would’ve only been from growing.

instead they came, mostly from shame, for things determined by the brain of only one other. how could you do all those things, when you were supposed to be my mother?

isn’t that the job you took? weren’t there so many parenting books?

and you read nothing for me?

you became nothing to me too.

all of the years, filled with nothing but tears, a smile forced every now and then.

my job was to keep the peace, even if that meant i was in pieces.

no one was perfect but you; something you wish was true; the truth was never a thing you could stand.

the burden on my shoulders as the eldest daughter; a curse that only few will understand.

the good, the bad - everything in between.

i ponder all the things you could have been, but never would be.

starting and ending with; a mother to me.

the hole you left in my life, the deepest wound to be found in the world;

i can only fill it with the love i have for myself, and that emotional little girl.