Echoes of Silence

Keeping me under, the invisible chains that weigh me down. I’ve always wondered why I do this to myself. Why am I always keeping my self down. I’m keeping myself down. Is there nothing left but to drown? As I look up to see the surface ripple due to the crashing waves. The words echo as I feel like I begin to fade away.

There is always help, but I’ve turned away all aid. I ditched the life raft to sink beneath the waves. I’ve always believed in me to keep my head above the water. Now with all these chains, I’ve sealed my fate and this is how the silence molds my reality. The echoes of silence,.. the echoes of silence trap me within a reflective glass cage.

Why is it that when I’m by myself. I feel like I’m someone else, and It’s like that person is trying to break out. When he’s blaming everyone else, these problems are not my own. That’s at least what I tell myself. Fragments of a broken mind make things seem as the world is judging from behind this glass cage. When I look out to see, all I see are reflections of me.

Now I wonder how I can separate from myself. All the worries, all of the pain and all of the traits of the clinically insane. These problems will be lifted to the wind. How can I come to terms with all the silent voices that caress me with that venomous sting. Now blow it away and let us now be free. Let me see that all these familiars are no longer familiar to me. These problems will never again over come any aspect of me. At least that’s what the prescriptions lead me to believe.

How can I still feel weighed down if I’m constantly getting high. The more medication I take I can feel the chains break, yet I get weighed down with feelings of equal weight. It turns out it was all a lie. The chains had just shifted and anchored me down. And now the echoes of this fractured psyche begin to poke fun at me.

At that moment I heard the hope I never though I had deep inside. Is it a saving tone saying that I never had to go through this all alone. I look around to see the binds, within this cage of glass, and I look up too see that the waves have calmed. I no longer see the adversary when I see the reflections. Now I see the clear blue waters or recovery and restoration. The next step is to pick my head up above water free from all restraints.

Now is the time to find a center, a focal point, my mental rendezvous. Where each fragment may get the chance to come to terms with who it is, a chance to become part of a new whole. After all I must shed all of who I used to be. The new plan is the get to know this new human being. The echoes of the old will still fight and rebel for the fear of change is just being a human being.

Echoes of silence used to be haunting, while the intrusive thoughts worked to break apart every part of my being. Now these echoes of silence allow this fractured mind to bring balance piece by piece. It won’t be quick and it definitely won’t be clean. I’ll do anything to be better that what these intrusive thoughts think of me. If there was anything I though would be worth fighting for, for damn sure it would be me.