Dying whilst still alive is harder than death itself. I write as the soul mind and body.

Death is far from the end

a liberation

a new destination

the freedom of all freedoms

it’s the dying down here left to do that is the pain

pain that I cry tears for

I feel stupid for crying tears I haven’t seen

I have once

and the tears of the present remember those tears of the past

I feel stupid for crying tears I haven’t seen since that past

but it’s such real pain,

knowing that it’s felt by not only myself is what brings forth the river of sorrow

“leave reality at home” never worked for me

when it's all based on reality

and beyond

the suffering on screen can be transferred here

the strain on screen can be seen there

the suffocating can be felt now

choking me with the knowing of this very real suffering, strain and suffocating

I can confidently say that it's not all I think of, but once the mind is flooded with the reminder the body starts to leak as the empathetic soul I am

and in the end I know we’ll all be okay

I cry for the middle

I probably shouldn’t but how could I not?

How could you not?

My empathy is my power & my suffering

my love is my core & my drowning

my guard is my protection & my problem

I’m taken by awe by these words that will transcend time

forever remain

that which will always contain

the power of my empathy,

the love I drown in

and the guard that protects me.

Today I learnt “the why is more important than the how” thank you.

I cried today to write to you now. The why not the how.

I will miss my tears when i’m ‘gone’ cry for me in many ways than one, but what I fear most is the death caused by death...

after death comes a more transformative journey of a soul that had just experienced the death, now inevitably apart of their path, a death of their very own, a death that can be felt immersively, profoundly and unexplainably, and yet joy cannot be known without suffering. So let us suffer through the experience so we may reach the next joy, all apart of one.

I don’t know who convinced me of the lonesomeness looming for me after loved ones depart to the other realms, I feel i'll be alone, maybe not physically but everything dies along with a body, the mind, the soul, left in this abyss, suffering and joy to the soul, all the same exceeding mundane.

Till rebirth.

It’s overwhelming, all of this, sometimes delving deep into the depths of my love is numbing and I feel my breath slipping away

I try to hold it all in,

but why?

Isn’t this tsunami better than any other

I just don't fully understand it

I just fully innerstand it to be me.

Always.

I remind you to cry even if you don't fully understand it, your body and soul know what they need to do for you and are rooted in more than just the present, try not to fight, question or resist, if your body feels like it needs to release in some way or form, grant it that wish and allow it that freedom.

The first song I ever made was when I was a child and was about my fear of people falling into the train tracks as i made my way to primary school,

my heart grew colder watching others so close to pain and death

as I grew up and innerstood death deeper than what we were made to fear

it's now all sunk into what I know others to feel whilst the heart beats

that type of death is harder than death itself

It’s freeing but it’s feeling, so it takes time to feel the freedom, it's written but scribbled over with a black marker makes it harder, but this marker allows space for the birth of anything.

Souls rest. Whilst my mind and body feels all of this, is my soul at rest?

As I cry as loud as the whale song

and scream as deafening as the forest fire

does my souls rest? Smiling peacefully at me, comforting me by calling the trees to rustle

the rain to drip

the sun to glow

the bird to tweet

my awareness to turn left

reminding me of the love bigger than my own

that belongs to that very same tone

I can breathe again

writing is the only way I could’ve told you why I was crying on the platform waiting for my train home, i'm grateful to have found a home within this piece before reaching the comfort of my room, where these tears may now be left on this train.

I hope you too have your method of breathing

your method of medication

your method of meditation

your method of liberation

that sends you to your next location

that your soul has been craving

dropping hints

just waiting

for the death that’ll save you.