dress up

A game of make believe and imagination

That seemed to keep me content as a child

I would put on costume after costume

until I found the perfect choice

I still play dress up

Only now it’s not as playful as before

It’s not so much for my amusement as it is for others enjoyment

The clothes aren’t as fun and vibrant as they used to be

The costumes stick to my skin and even when I tried to take them off

all I saw was blood

And that subsided my sense of overwhelming hopelessness for awhile

But then I added more masks, and costumes

to please more people

Daddys princess who sat quietly as hurricanes of his anger surrounded me

The cheerleader who would force herself to throw up in order for that, beautiful body

The therapist friend who longed for someone to give her a hug

At some point I began to break character

Now my costume changed to a vile green,

My temper imploded any sense of reason I had left

I was now alone, by choice,

My fault

And once the scene of my anger had ceased

I was left in destruction​

There was no applause for my performance,

Just looks of astonishment,

That someone like me- could be hurting so much

The play continues on, the curtains won’t close, but at least now I know no matter what

My costumes and act will never live up to standards