Dreams / Reality

“In the beginning

was the end.”

After she read these words she closed the book, brought it to her chest, & then closed her eyes.

A smile spread across her face, & a wave of comforting tingles moved up from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head. ‘Goosiebumps’, her daughter called them, that feeling you get when you just know something.. that feeling beyond words, that sometimes came through the reading of certain words.

Her brain craved the ability to create accurate metaphors for or explanations of this sensation, but nothing in the English language could do it justice.

But she would continue to try.. try to solidify & concisely share the silver linings that moved her forward, to share these moments.. share the depths of her mind & heart as something to swim into, float on the surface or dive in deep, depending on what the reader wanted or needed.

She hoped they would find pieces of themselves in her words.

She is a mind, a soul, awakening inside a body she sometimes feels foreign to, yet she has every freckle memorized. Often feeling uncomfortable in her skin, fearing her imperfections being seen up close. She hides her blushing & scars behind a fractured porcelain mask of purity that is on the verge of being completely shattered.

When the time is right & she is ready, she will blossom out of the cocoon she has built around herself to survive. A metamorphosis she cannot deny.

This is all a part of the process. It always is.

There is still so much to recover & to discover, about herself & about the complex universe she inhabits.

She is the main character of this short story. The protagonist. A writer who is being written as she writes.

Genevieve. 27. A young mother & dreamer. A bright light shining amidst the darkness of circumstance.

No clichés here though... She is a rare gem that has been squeezed under pressure & time to shine as she does.

A little black notebook- her greatest ally in remembering things forgotten, in creating something new. The greatest therapist she ever had & an even better friend.. who has all the answers to the questions her daughter would ask, & scrawled into it are the questions she had yet to crack, waiting to be understood deeper one day.

Amidst the quick spinning of the world around, the movement & madness of a day in an age of technological advancements & lessening authentic human connection,

the pages of her notebook became her solace, a place of rest, a place for her heart to bleed safely, a space of growth & honesty unlike any other.

A time for imagining potentials & possibilities beyond the limiting beliefs of society,

where magic is the norm..

Miracles, beyond the mundane day to day working to pay the bills to house her & Rosalie, who just turned 7 years old.

Genevieve did it all as a single mother.. she worked, played, taught, counseled, cooked, cleaned & crafted.

She gave so much to others she often forgot to give to herself.. & so at night after Rosalie drifted into the dream realms, Genevieve created new worlds with pen & paper.

She gave back to herself through taking the time for the unraveling of her mind; processing the things she could have repressed or denied, in the form of free flow poetry, journal prompts & short stories which allowed her to better understand herself & all the influences that have made her who she is.

She writes to release & receive guidance in her own voice.

She inscribes incantations & prayers, intentions, visions.

Hopes for a different world for her & her daughter.

One where she didn’t feel so alone & isolated in her day to day.. where she has other mothers & family living alongside her, cooking, cleaning & building something together as a community, a tribe, a village.. Like it used to be..

She feels it in her blood. Memories of another life..

Singing songs to the babies who run naked in the backyard, wildflowers of every color in view, making medicine with every part of the life they planted together.

Washing their clothes together by the river.. hanging them on a line to air dry.

Chop wood.. carry water..

Water.. the most clean, fresh & crisp spring water..

A garden with every fruit & vegetable imaginable. Berries.. nuts.. an orchard..

A pasture with horses, cows & goats grazing. Chickens, kittens & pups to cuddle in the barn..

A garage with tools to create, paint, mold & make.

A home.

Outside of the movement & static of the city.

Stillness & peace.

Evolution into a healthy environment,

no longer just surviving but thriving..

Safety & security, beyond financial..

While knowing money was part of the separation from her visions of this other life she so desperately desired.

The blockage, the thing in the way..

The thing she had immense faith would show up some day.. somehow..

The funds & resources to begin this new journey back into her roots, to be repotted right into the ground,

to stretch her limbs up into the light, to be watered & feel the wind strengthening her.

For now, feeling so limited in her time & energy.. Just getting by.. Being the best mother she could be juggling everything at once it seemed.

She was not religious, but she called out & prayed for an answer.. to a solution to the loops she was spinning in. Hoping for something, anything, to free her from the confines of this city & paycheck to paycheck reality..

She didn't ask for what she needed as much as she should, because what she needed felt complex & hard to articulate or ask for...

She wanted humanity as a whole, full of individuals, to respect & honor themselves & each other.. to remember their power & unique gifts to make our planet & shared home a better place for all.

She also struggled to ask for simple help from family & friends. She had built a strong sense of independence from a young age that sometimes felt like her greatest asset that haunted her in the hardest of times.

She felt alone & when these feelings weighed too heavy, she sat at her desk & wrote it all down & released it into her little black notebook.

She is limitless here.

She can write anything into existence, temporary eternities for others to experience.

She can create a problem with a solution.. create any character imaginable; an innocent fool, a hero, a mother, father, child, a sister, brother, friend..

Sending them out on a journey that would transform themselves & all around them.

A rhyme & reason for each word's placement, each part of the story woven with intention.

She was able to plant seeds inside others minds with her poetry, the words she writes from a place of hope & inspiration.

She could make the reader feel what she was feeling..

& this power could stab like a knife into those who hurt her.

Most of it stayed trapped inside. She struggled to share her words in confidence, so they hid on pages in boxes under her bed & in forgotten files on her laptop.

But a month ago she did something to step outside of her comfort zone..

She submitted her first short story to a writing challenge, with a grand prize of $20,000.

She was excited to imagine the potential of acquiring what she needed to step outside of her predictable reality. Potential to provide for her family & have the time & energy to be of service to her community without stressing out about money.

Having the funds to invest in land..

One step closer to her dreams becoming her waking reality, not just for herself., but for all who wanted to join her & be a part of this new way of living & growing into the environment around.

It was hard to fall asleep the night she submitted her story. Her mind fluttered in excitement of what the future could hold if she acquired the fuels & resources she needed to push her forward.

~

Genevieve awoke from an eventful dream.

Every night since she was a little girl she was transported to other worlds, as different people, meeting strangers who felt like family, witnessing happenings as if watching a movie through her own eyes, with a bird's eye view.

She leaned over & wrote inside her notebook;

following the white dragon

soaring with the sky

stepping into portals through time

& space

breathing underwater

painting in sound

sipping tea with fairies & elves

conversations with spirits

walking through walls

drumming & dancing with my ancestors

standing within a raging fire without being burnt

seeing from the perspective as the eye in center of a mighty storm

becoming a rainbow,

every color of the spectrum as different sensations

weightless

free

as I sleep

awakening

lucid

living & dreaming

~

She began her day sipping an herbal tea she crafted herself. She was staring outside her window, watching the cars go by when Rosalie entered the kitchen with matted hair & a pep in her step.

“IT’S A NEW DAY MOM! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!”

She ran behind her mother’s chair & leaned over to give her a big bear hug from behind.

She awoke happier than usual.. Genevieve was curious as to what activated such joy in her.

As if reading her mind, Rosalie declared, “I had the most amazing dream mom! We were living in a town with all our friends & family there! We were dancing.. & playing,

building houses & gardens & at one point I was riding a dragon! There were solar panels, a giant garden & a community center where we all met & learned in together! It was way better than school.. do I haaaave to go to school today?” Rosalie said in one breath, ending her sentence with pouty lips & the fluttering of her long eyelashes.

Genevieve looked at her, smiled, & let out a laugh.

“This is amazing news! You know that wasn’t just a dream right? I think you just had a premonition..” she smirked as her attention drifted out the window again, watching the clouds shapeshifting in front of her eyes.

A cloud resembling a dragon sitting atop a giant egg was framed in the center of the window.

“Rosalie. I love you & would love to have you around today, but I need some time to myself to work towards that dream of ours..”

Rosalie looked a little defeated, but respected her without asking again.

“I made you a smoothie & your lunch is in the refrigerator. Let’s get going!”

They were out the door shortly & Rosalie was dropped off in front of McKelvey Elementary to begin her day.

Genevieve had packed her notebook & laptop so she could head straight to her favorite coffee shop after dropping off her daughter.

‘The Golden Spiral’ was a cozy spot with eccentric art covering every inch of the walls, plants in each window & Celtic music reminiscent of Lord of the Rings floated through the air.

She sat down at a new table today, one she had never sat at before, with a view of a blooming lily. Above hung a new painting of a beautiful castle with a white dragon flying above.

A comforting synchronicity & affirmation that she was indeed where she needed to be, when she needed to be there.

She opened up her email & discovered a miracle was waiting for her.

Genevieve had won the writing challenge.

She saw the dragon turn its head to look at her & wink, not as crazy as the fact she had just been blessed with everything she needed to begin a new life, a life of abundance & ease for her daughter & her.

The biggest smile she had ever smiled spread across her face,

& a wave of comforting tingles moved up from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head.

She closed her laptop, then closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in & exhaling absolute relief, peace & excitement for all that lies ahead on this new journey.

Her dreams were coming true..

In the end

it was just beginning..