Doubt

It swells up to pull me down.

A high tide

that lifts me up only to crash around

whats left of me.

Consuming these

pieces of memories, killing me, slowly,

from the inside out.

Turning me against myself...

I cant find my gratitude so peace I'm without.

They're like volutures,

they circle above.. preying for weakness.

It lives for this torture.

Confusing my mind, exhausting my body, & sucking the light that fuels my soul.

It urges us to try & escape.

Its the devil, my doubt, that attacks at the  center, a black hole.

I feel it all

& I feel it all way too much.

It's like a sixth sense ...

That leaves me blind.

I cry to the skies,

"Oh, why did i ask for this?"

My doubt,

It is my vice.

It comes with my intuition,

proof that life's

full of Polar Opposites.

It's the only way I'll ever learn to listen

to a God, if there is one.

And I hope he hears me now.

I need your balance. I need your guidance cuz Im broken & just don't know how

to be free from this doubt.

Im lost in its dark fog & i cant seem to get out...of this mindset.

That takes me back

to dwell in guilt & in all that i regret.

I cant forgive & I refuse to forget.

My faith ...why is it you thats so easily forfeit.

My doubt is the evil that lives in me.

It carries the lies of the world,

Its gravity.

Its pulling me

Underneath.

When all I want is to trust.

I want to love like i used to

with all of me but it just hurts too much.

Out of touch

with what matters.

My faith is filthy,

covered in dust.

So stiff.

Im left stuck. Shattered.

Were both overcome with pain. I must

find a way over whats been holding me down.

My doubt is a storm, a blistering dark cloud

that only comes around

to be my test.

A temptation.

It creeps up

In hopes that i give up

wthout hesitation.

Dividing my mind, distracting my heart...

My faith fails to frustration.

Im pacing.

My minds racing

through scenarios,

searching every moment desperately trying to crack the devil's code.

I wrestle myself

til I'm up against the wall.

The wall I built

with my doubt

as it strips

me down to nothing

I cant stand up at all, so I'll crawl

back to square one.

My doubt is leading me out,

I'll follow it through until I'm done.

Done in the spiritual sense.

Exhausted mentally.

Abused physically.

I'm more than just tense.

My doubt gaining control of whats left of me,

spiritually.

My faith being the first casualty.

Its only sparing me

the risk to trust & to love.

But Wheres the life in that?

Searching the world for an escape

when the way out was right above

Me, oh no, I'm late.

Bent & broken.

Ill suffer cuz love is what i left unspoken.

I just can't ly here & take

one more day

of this pathethic parade.

I'll stand up

to my potential

against this civil war.

The gray.

The faithless Grudge, the lukewarm thats only comfortable

Keeping us

From our faith causing us

lack of truth & trust.

The World is selfish, sinful

And self-will beneficial.

Evil is not what i see as whats most influential.

From now on, I'll love through the hate.

I do it for purpose & to not let the truth disintegrate. I hope u relate.

Cuz I once was

Lost.

But lately I've found

a light that will guide

me out of my doubt

with a sweet sweet sound

that saved a troubled soul just like me.

I was blind to my faith

but now I choose to see

the bigger picture

as it unfolds

into who I'm meant to be.

Soul free.

I desperately

hope to see

the light that was dim but still can burn bright

& it resides in me.

So I'll give up... to give in

And let doubt die so my life can finally begin.

All i need

is the faith of a mustard seed.

My faith, no longer cuffed

by my past.

The path

painfully long and tough

But youll see...

I'll come out strong

with more than belief

Pure proof

The proof is the faith that thrives in me.

So full of life ...so high..

He fills me up

So my doubt cannot surive.

Where there's pure air

the doubt

begins to die, this world we no longer share.

You cant deceive

Or feed on the lives

of all of these

Souls

That make u so sick & envious

That you werent giving the choice

The free will...so you try to control.

How we live, love, & how we die.

Maybe you'll fool some

But it wont be mine.

My soul is more than the comfort of my shoes.

I choose

to

abandon you,

Doubt.

I wont settle

Only then

can The drought Of truth dissolve

alongside his master

The devil.