divergent thoughts

i...uh

i want...um

i think

i mean

the pace of life is so grueling...

you know?

i think i just want things to slow

down and

relax.

just a little bit.

you know,

i don't say this out loud, it's not a popular opinion, but

i wish we could go back to quarantine.

not the part where people died en masse in hospitals, alone with no family to ease their transition.

just the part where we were slow.

you know?

when we made bread or noodles from scratch. when we spent time alone or intentionally with pods. when we learned new skills to do ourselves because we couldn't necessarily rely on someone else anymore. when we meditated. when we took walks. when we napped and rested our bodies fully. when nature began to heal because the rate at which we pumped pollution and toxins into our atmosphere decreased so dramatically. when time became relative again, and the insistence on measuring it accurately faded. when we learned what was truly essential work. when we began to value labor for what it is, an expression of spirit, not an obligatory mechanism for survival. when we read books. when we found new music. when we cultivated our interests and not our bank accounts. when we cared about something other than money.

i know our corporate overlords never stopped. but why would we let them gaslight us into thinking the way the world was before was better, that all that shit killing us slowly was "normal?"

covid kills us quickly and they don't care, so why would we listen to what they think is best? for profit that will never be ours? for the chance at upward financial mobility? to take our shot at being a billionaire?

bullshit.

i call bullshit.

fuck.

i just want to take a nap and not feel bad about how "unproductive" it was.

fuck a to-do list.

can't we just rest?