i took another pill this morning
to try to look people in the eye,
but mine filled with tears despite.
i looked away
because my optimism is waning and
when i don't feel good about myself, i don't feel good
about anyone else.
it saddens me to know that i need a daily bolus to maintain positivity.
it saddens me
that
i'm a disappointment to you
that
i have no energy
that
my body always hurts
that
i can't bring myself to read
that
i'm broke, but working too hard as it is
that
i'm so unwell,
so unhealthy,
but with no insurance, i can't afford to have a doctor tell me
the damage i've done.
and that's just
some
of the stuff i think about right now.
not an exhaustive list, by any means.
it doesn't even include the future worries,
or all the good things that suddenly feel bad because
i'm aware that
shoes drop
and now
i'm just waiting.
About the Creator
kp
I am a non-binary, trans-masc writer. I work to dismantle internalized structures of oppression, such as the gender binary, class, and race. My writing is personal but anecdotally points to a larger political picture of systemic injustice.
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Very well written. Keep up the good work!
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Heartfelt and relatable
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'20/20'
"Do It Again" the track that would ultimately open the Beach Boys final album on Capitol Records which was released on February 10th 1969 had originally been released as a single in August of 1968. The track was the first of many post-Pet Sounds era throwbacks to the early Beach Boys sound which would become continually more cliched and eventually lead the Beach Boys to the level of self-parody they would eventually succumb to in the 1980s while their closest contemporaries The Beatles nearing the end of their run in 1969 would go on to be viewed as the most influential band of all time. However, the song itself is not bad on its surface, and it opens with a futuristic sounding (for 1969) drumbeat captured by then-Beach Boys engineer Stephen Desper using tape delays on the drums performed by Dennis Wilson and John Guerin. The song has been re-recorded numerous times over the years on various Beach Boys-related projects most notably the 2011 re-recording at Capitol studios featuring the five surviving Beach Boys at the time backed instrumentally by various members of both the Brian Wilson Band and Mike Loves touring "Beach Boys" to promote the then upcoming Beach Boys 50th Anniversary reunion tour in 2012. The hammering and power drill sound at the end of the song was an excerpt from a track called "Workshop" that was to be a part of the uncompleted "SMiLE" album.
By Sean Callaghan7 days ago in Beat
Comments (5)
Such an honest and harrowing piece, kp. But I second Judey in saying you are not a disappointment, and never could be. Sometimes, surviving is all we can do in these times until the next moment of joy that comes—and it will come. ♥️
🫂hugs, kp. Life can really sock it to ya, I know <3
Definitely relate to this ♥️ Hang in there
oh kp. come over. I'm fix you tea and we can talk. You could never be a disappointment
Oh, this one sits in my house. Hang in there ❤️