Distant Memory

I am a servant to obligation,

subject to failure,

with no room to grieve the feelings I receive,

I am trapped within social expectation,

of continuing on no matter the cost,

Because my job isn't dependent on my feelings of loss,

I just want everything to end,

to disappear into the night,

to give up on this everyday kind of fight,

and just not be there, or here or anywhere,

I am just expected to wake up everyday,

smile and pretend everything is okay,

because we don't truly live for ourselves,

but for the lives of everyone else,

I try to live and at some point,

all I ever do is disappoint,

everyone who has ever mattered to me,

too guilt ridden to be free,

while resentment of it even mattering, buries me,

at some point, what is the point,

we are all just chasing a happiness that can be resolved by silence,

peace, where nothing else is ever expected of me,

Everything I was in this world would be a distant memory,