Devour

No one understands the pain, the lonliness, the ache that fills my chest. The fear of failure right outside my door.

The heartache thumps my chest. So hard to breath, to eat, to sleep. My mind running constantly, never ending never stopping. Reminding me of the past and filling me with doubts of the future

I push all this inside, I wrap myself in my walls and try to bury the pain. I smile, I grin, I laugh while slowly dying inside. With every breath my chest wants to explode, taking my mind with it.

The past haunts my every move reminding me of my failures, taunts me with my faults, teasing me with just a handfull of happiness just to have it turn to ash in my hand.

I have never felt safe, loved, wanted, or needed. These emotions are alien to me. Like acid to my soul they burn me.

I know I cannot let go, I cannot lose control. My walls will not faulter, fears of the past meld them together. A fixture firmly in place.

To release the walls I must release my fear and let the world in and this I cannot do. Im emotionally broken, the years of abuse, neglect, feeling expendable losing trust in those I shouldve been able to trust, betrayal lies at the core. My whole life nothing but one betrayal after another.

I lost faith in people as well as faith in myself. I dont even trust my own mind or heart its been corrupted by the loss and pain of yesterdays. I try to give a little at a time to open up only to spring back like a rubber band.

No one understands the demons that have been unleashed inside me constantly battling. Trying to stay strong but the fight is wearing me down.

Tears no loner fall, laughter no longer sincere. A dark shell, a shadow, a pit that demons climb, I have become the devils playground. As they destroy my body they attack my mind.

Anger is the only thing I can find, but to summon enough energy to unleash the anger is draining to the soul. If they succeed in this hellish game, they will devour me whole.

And I will be nomore.