Derealization

I was in my room when I lost my mind,

Like most of my dreams I waited to wake up and die,

But I never did and I think it’s a luxury I’ll never find.

I think the world left me behind,

People are happy to have a bad day then get up and retry,

While I’m watching the clock trying to understand how the hours are defined.

I’m sleeping, dreaming, I must be trapped inside my mind,

I must be- that’s why I’m too tired to cry but too scared to die,

And can’t care to do the things by which I used to be defined.

Maybe this is just how I was designed,

Doomed to walk through life like it’s a wall and I’m a fly,

The brightness of the world has declined.

So why do I continue the “ daily grind”,

Why am I so aware that none of this is fine,

How do I know that I haven’t been improved and redefined?

I thought I was tangled in knots I needed to unwind,

But maybe my awareness was just an alibi…

I’m awake now and know the meaning of life is something I won’t find,

Because it was never there- I just used to be blind.