Depression

The rough part of 2020:

Cowers and cries, surround by lies. What's hidden from the naked eye.

Hurt and pain, tears covered by the rain.

Mask over the face, running from the human race. Can't face what's ahead of us, inside us, what's left of our courage, now eaten up.

Hurting from the inside, out. Minds quiet, but the quiet's too loud.

Locked in a room full of misery. My life's a mystery. Say goodbye, it's all history.

Gone just like that. Laughed at the world, thought it couldn't hurt me. But now the world's laughing back. Guess who got the last laugh.

Trapped. Hidden from society. In my room alone is not where I wanna be.

Tryna see. What's left for me out of this house. To the big people, I'm as little as a mouse.

Disclosing my pain from the people who care. Just so they can have some clarity. I don't need pity, I'm not a charity.

I'm not someone you can walk on. My life, my story, I'm not done.

Trying. Fighting. Rising.

I may fall apart. Then I hide in my dark hole. All alone. No one around but me and my broken soul.

Everyone shut out. "Can I come in?" Sorry, I'm busy right now.

Take on new hobbies to hide my shame. Never realized I'd be bearing so much pain.

The worlds' disappointment on my shoulders. Hitting me with stones the size of boulders.

Beaten and bruised. I refuse to let them walk on me, to break me down. It doesn't say "welcome" on my back. Brush it off, put on my crown.

Stand up tall. Can't take the pain, I'm starting to fall.

No one can comfort me 'cause they don't know how I feel. Don't believe that my emotions are anything close to real. It doesn't matter what happens when I'm seen, it's what happens behind closed doors. Can't ruin the best of me.

I'm a fighter. A survivor. As bright as a lighter, in the darkness.

Quivering in the cold, miserable place called my mind. I don't have enough time. Ticking down to the last minute before it ends. Tick tock tick tock. I don't want my story to end.

Don't wanna die. Yet I don't wanna live. Tryna live my life, I'M ONLY JUST A KID!

So this is what it feels like to have depression. Always feeling sad but you have to hide your expression. Beaten down by your own self. I've been turned into a broken doll, neglected and collecting dust on a shelf.

I wish I could have my old self back, that wasn't covered with hideous, self-made cracks.

I'm stuck. Stuck in reverse, going back in time. Looking at the life I could've had, wishing that it could still be mine. Should've known, I never had quite enough time.

Save me from myself, no more hiding from the people who care. It's my life, my story I'm choosing to share. I'm DONE living in despair...

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading.

This is for all the people, all the kids like me who felt miserable in 2020. To all those who pushed through and especially for those who surrendered to the darkness.