demons

the choice is

guilt

that eats me up

inside

or emptiness

that aches

like a bottomless pit.

i will go to sleep

every night

feeling either -

or both,

stifle my screams

in my pillow

grip my sheets

begging for peace -

no, sanity.

why do i need to

apologize

to myself

for taking up space

for wanting, needing -

existing.

sleep is for people

who do not subject themselves

to their devils

and burn incest

to atone for their sins -

i am sorry i dared

to breathe

to swallow

to smile.

at what point

did my demons

become me

and i one

of them?

because i cannot tell the difference

any longer.