Dear person who left.

The letter arrived without warning or explanation. “ I’m not coming back and I’m sorry” —leaving behind shock, confusion, and hurt for those close to you. What do I do now? Who can I trust? It's normal to feel hurt, confused, and angry when we experience a loss like this, but at 17, it feels like the world is ending. I didn't cry when you left at first but now that you are really gone it hurts. When Will the war end? When can I say your name and have it only be your name and not what and who you left behind? Everyone thinks that if we don't leave our hometown we might never get out.

The pain of abandonment can be overwhelming – it's understandable. The older you get the less hard it is. The important thing to remember is that it can get better. I know it feels like it won’t, but it will. I know you felt that leaving was the best thing you could do and it most likely was. The voicemail you left the day after you left is still on my phone. I don't think that it will ever not be on my phone. It's stuck there and by stuck I don't think I will ever delete it.

This may not make it any easier to understand, but you must remember that you did what you thought was best for everyone involved and it taught us all a lesson. It might feel like you left us in the dark, but we can still use this experience to learn something. Take your time to heal and grieve. All of my stories are about being left and all of yours are about leaving. So we should have known. There is a lot of strength in walking away from what haunts you. Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer. So when you left I really felt it. I actually thought that I was the one who was going to leave first. I would have followed you anywhere and you knew that. I now know that is why you didn't tell me you were leaving and I thank you for that.

Allow yourself to forgive, but also forgive yourself. You did the best you could at the time and now you should continue to do the best you can for yourself. It’s gonna be hard but it is worth it. Take comfort in knowing that we will eventually understand why you chose to leave, and that we love and miss you even though you are gone. We are not angry that you left. You were the greatest thing we lost.

Sincerely,

Nat