Dear Ocean

Anxiety wraps its claws around my neck,

Tells me I'm not allowed to breathe;

Only confident people are allowed to breathe.

Tells me shy

Is the illusion I must hide behind,

Because revealing anything more

Is to put up my own gravestone.

Tells me the world

Doesn't need another quiet soul

Doesn't need another fly on the wall

Another I want to but I can't

Tells me these are excuses

And excuses will get me nowhere

Tells me

I'm not trying hard enough

Tells me, juggle another ball

Tells me

Why aren't you healed yet?

Tells me

Why is this still so hard?

Why is your face still red?

Why aren't your eyes dry?

While I lie in my bed

Dreading the next day

Wondering if

Once I reach the next milestone

Will everything still hurt?

Ocean,

When does it hurt

less?

Ocean,

I'm trying.

Ocean,

Believe me,

I'm trying so hard;

But sometimes

I need to break.

Ocean,

Help me float a little longer,

Please.