Dear Mother

Mother do you hear me

Mother why won't you listen to me

I'm making this for you

But it feels like you don't want me to

I know we've had it rough

And reconnecting has been tough

The years we spend apart

Ripped away at our heart

But you were the one who gave me away

For years I felt it as betray

First one place then two and another

I couldn't believe it was done by my own mother

The first place is where I lost contact with my dad

Because of the drug problem he had

The second place was foster care where I was truly happy

But you took me home cause it was a problem that I was so angry

The third an institution with a principal educated, not in child care

I was attacked, stolen from and starved IT WAS A NIGHTMARE

I told you he was after me and that he was mean

But you just said "foolish boy, you're just making a scene"

Remember how I cried when I asked why you didn't protect your son

And when you just replied "what about me" I was gon'

That was also the time you wanted me to stay until the child support had ended

For years that had me tormented

Or when I had been in a fight and got a graze that was deep

But you couldn't help me cause you had to sleep

Also the time your boyfriend gave me a punch

I told you I called the police, everyone laughed and we went to a family lunch

But I've repressed all the pain

It's gone like tears in the rain

But you still shut me out

And I don't know what it's about

I know you had a child to mourn

But why couldn't you just be happy that I was born

You talk and talk and talk but keep saying nothing

And every time I have something on my mind you don't listen, IT'S CRUSHING

What should I do for you to be proud

Is it not enough how i scream for your attention out loud

Like when I started stealing or burning stuff

Because living without your attention was too tough

And when I got caught you didn't say anything

But if I didn't dance for you I got a beating

What should I do for you to hear

Come now, please just once lend me your ear

Let us talk like we used to do years ago

But no.. what's the point, maybe I should just let it go

I tried talking time and time again

But every time it's just been in vain

But as I said you're not completely wordless

But whenever you ask if I'm okay it's only on the surface

I wish we could go back to the time when we had fun

Back to the time where I actually though I was your son

Now I've said all I wanted with a smile that is fake

And here I stand with your words on my mind from back then "you were a mistake"

Mom why won't you praise me?

Mom don't you love me?