Dear Diary

As a person,

I’m very much the over thinker.

As a woman,

I’m ambitious.

As a Virgo,

I’m a perfectionist.

I strive to make the world a better place.

For today’s confession,

I use writing to express myself.

I use writing to bring me strength and confidence.

I use my writing to bring me peace.

~

For today’s journal entry,

I’d like to ask the question,

How do you know that he loves you?

How do you know that he’ll choose you?

How do you not fall into your own web?

~

Life is so strange.

You fall out of love with someone

You fall in love with someone else

And yet you don’t know if it’s been long enough.

You don’t know that a new love is true.

Will he pick you?

Is the connection strong enough to save you?

~

So, here it is.

Here’s the burning question.

Is it love?

Is it infatuation?

Is it even real?

~

Being with someone toxic has brought so much doubt to your heart and mind.

Being with someone toxic has broken you.

You can’t trust yourself.

You can’t trust your heart.

Can you trust your feelings?

Are the feelings real?

Are the emotions just part of this roller coaster of chaos?

~

Will you confess your feelings?

Will you tell me your secrets?

Will you still love me after I’ve been broken by him?

Will you be able to accept that I will constantly worry…

About you, about me, about us?

Will you be able to deal with me in this vulnerable state?

~

Healing is going to take time.

Learning to love myself again is a struggle,

But I refuse to give up.

I refuse to say that I’ll give in to the person who ruined me

I refuse to give up on me.

I refuse to gravel and beg for your love.

I won’t wait to be loved.

I won’t wait to see if things will turn out the way that I want.

I refuse to put myself through that pain again.

~

So, will you ever tell me?

Will you tell me how you really feel?

Will you be with me when it’s over?

Will I be able to wait?

Will you pick her over me?

~

There’s no way to tell.

There’s no way to know.

You’re emotionally distant.

You don’t like expressing your feelings.

I get it.

I’ll try to understand.

But I need to know.

I’ll need to be reassured.

Why?

Because I thought I loved him,

I thought he loved me,

But he just used me, whenever it was convenient.

I was a trophy.

Not even a bride…not even a wife,

Just a used woman.

~

I will discover myself again.

I will learn to love myself again.

I will be whole again.

Even if I’ve been broken into a million pieces,

I will glue the pieces back

And turn it into a beautiful work of art.