Darkest Secret

"If you've never had a relationship you hate,

Well then, how could you ever relate?

You look at me and turn away,

You've judged me each and every day,

I hope you never know this pain,

That's what I think each time I pray.

This demon that consumes my soul,

This weakness you will never know.

This box I've locked my body in,

Controls me, brings out all my sins,

There was a time when I was free,

Half a decade is how long it's been.

That fateful night I took that taste,

That first good buzz is all I've chased.

I watched and saw my whole world melt,

No more worries, no pain felt,

For my problems you were a cure,

I didn't see when my cards were dealt.

In your grasp there was no escape,

I'd handed you the keys of my life to shape.

All of my thoughts were consumed by you,

To get it there's nothing I wouldn't do,

I'd lie and steal, break all the rules,

I never realized how dependent I grew.

I couldn't see then, just where this road led,

Not until that first prick, that first time I bled.

The pills were too costly, I couldn't afford,

Without them the pain was too great to endure,

When somebody offered I should've said no,

My own moral boundaries, completely ignored.

So now as I sit here writhing in pain,

Searching and searching for just one more vein,

I stop and I think of that very first night,

If only I'd done what I'd known was right,

I wouldn't be helplessly, hopelessly trapped,

Stuck in this hole with no exit in sight.

I wouldn't have wasted so much of my life,

So many years with nothing but strife.

I can't even imagine how life could be,

I'm so far gone, it's too hard to see,

This demon consumes me, trapped in its grasp,

There's nothing I wouldn't do just to be free.

I made that first choice to get that first buzz,

It will keep me confined, cuz that's what it does.

I laid down that needle two weeks ago,

It's time for me to start taking life slow,

If I go back, I know I'll be dead,

One foot in the grave was too close to go.

If you've never had that relationship you hate,

Well then, how could you ever relate?"