Daddies little apology

You apologized, and It's so unfair that you get to apologize cause now everything is left to me.

I have to forgive you.

I have to get over it.

I have to pretend like nothing happened.

Like the years of pain, trauma and losing everyone I loved because of your actions didn't happen.

Its the fact that I have to pretend that every relationship from now on isn't affected by the state of mind you've put me in..

and after 18 years you decided to finally own up to how you treated me.

You know the worst part of your apology was that you said "I wasn't always the best father but from here on out i will be". .

Meaning you knew I deserved better but decided I didn't earn it till after I was gone and you feared I would never comeback,

but I dont think you truly understand how bad you messed me up dad..

but that's okay,

Well it's not, but I forgive you,

for every relationship in the past, future, and/or present that you have consequently damaged,

For every tear shed that no one ever comforted because hiding them was better and "tears are for the weak",

For every scar I've ever bared and hidden so politely because "no one should ever see your disdain",

I forgive you dad

I forgive you for me, not for you.