Crush

You are a friend of a friend's friend and

I am a stranger.

You welcome me into the home you are about to move out of,

hand me a cup, point to the keg.

When you walk away I notice

-

I'm holding my breath

I notice your dress is as tight as my chest

I notice your lipstick is violently red

I notice I'm picturing you in my bed

and all of this causes me to stop dead

in my tracks

because suddenly I know something I can't unknow.

-

The house is basically empty

except for people

which should be enough to keep you obstructed, but still

I see you in every room I go into.

And I can't help but notice

-

I'm joking, but they are all coming out shoddy

I notice your laugh seems too deep for your body

I notice your solace when claiming you're thirty

I notice I'm wondering if you know I'm flirting

and all of these musings make me a dirty

sinner

because suddenly I am capable of a destructive love.

-

Before I leave I give Brock my number even though I hate him

and his name,

so I can pretend for a minute that nothing has changed,

but that moment was fleeting.

And now, years later, I notice

-

I'm thinking of you and my memory is keener

I notice my progressively uninhibited demeanor

I notice my feelings for you are the same

I notice I'm slightly still tethered to shame

and for all of this I know you are to blame

in a good way

because suddenly I understand what really happened that night.

-

You will probably never know the story of us, but in it

you stood in front of a mirror and the reflection was exquisite.

For the longest time I only saw you,

but I'm beginning to realize that I was there too

I just never noticed.