Crossroads

Through it all i’ll love you like a child

But i am at a crossroad

Between wanting you to fight for me

And not being ready for death do us part

I’m 18 and i don’t know if i’m prepared for better or for worse

When you leave me hyperventilating and in tears it doesn’t feel like i am

I am greedy, i want you to myself

I’m stopping you from growing

When i need to grow too

I don’t want to let you go but the more i hold on the more i push you away

My hands are trembling from trying to hold onto what we have

Love was never this hard in the fairytales was it?

I can’t imagine my life without you

I don’t want to

But i don’t think you want this anymore

I think you want other things

I feel like i am clipping your wings

Not letting you be who you want to be

When who you are is so beautiful

I’ve been selfish but i know if i am trapping you then i have to set you free

No matter the pain it causes me

Our insecurities will be the death of us

But it’s in our DNA

I do believe you love me

And being loved by you feels like being on top of the world

But fighting with you feels like i am in a living hell

The highs are high and the lows are low

You are undefeated in the ring

You know every trick in the book

I showed up to this gun fight with a knife

I’m way in over my head

My emotions clouding my judgement

This love will be the make or break of me

You tweet that you’re over it

An hour after i phone you choking up

Not being able to get the words of i love you, i’m sorry out

An hour after you said you’d get a taxi to mine

As i now cry myself to sleep

Overanalysing a fucking tweet

21st century love

How am i supposed to forget

The holidays we planned

Our matching halloween costumes

The first dog we’d buy together and his name

Fuck we talked about kids

When i think about my life all i see is you

How do you erase that

Like it meant nothing

Do i keep the list of every country you wanted to visit on my phone?

Or your nandos order?

Am i supposed to delete you out my life

Like you never happened

I can’t imagine my life without you in it

But i can’t force you to play a part in a story you don’t want to be in

Maybe you were meant to just guest star in my life

Regardless of how bad i wanted you to be beside me playing out our life together

Sometimes wishes aren’t meant to come true

And the people you love can no longer stay

When did we turn sour

When did we go bad

Maybe love does have an expiration date

Maybe we ran our course