Crass Incult Town Crier

Page, does this town even have a crier?

Who emotes the emotions for the plebians?

No official that declares what the lord dictates?

No Loudmouth that screams loud for all the townsfolk to hear?

What sort of shame befalls a town of no crier?

My eyes do not betray me.

You'll find me fit for this position.

Yes, reading aloud, for all to know the information.

What a wretched bunch;

Lend me your ears.

Hear well the words that have been conveyed upon you.

Give me that notice, page.

Quick work of this shall be.

My, what a long scroll.

Who wrote this?

Your scribe needs some work.

Page did you write this?

Ah, Yes, well, carry on;

I am sure I can get the gist with no jest.

Yes, Page, I am a Crier, not a Jester.

Yes, Page, there be a huge difference.

Leave me to the Cry.

Hear Ye’ All townsfolk, peasants, plebians of the place.

I stand at this mark to deliver this information freely from me’ face.

Hear Ye’ it be declared;

A total outlaw of jest in the direction of me’lord.

Oh My, who is your lord?

Should he be also me’lord?

I hope he finds mine,

The cries,

Of this crier,

Adequate.

Should he not,

Pray I find myself in better understanding.

I am starting to see why this town has no crier.

I digress.

Let the crowd gather

Leave no room for standing.

For Bread, Ale and Ha’pennies

Only hear with your ears!

It has so been decreed widely that the punishment is death.

I beg thee no injury to thine messenger, good patrons.

Lads and lassies all do listen as I continue.

Forget not your ha’penny for this convenience.

Criering isn’t the most lucrative job of public servitude.

This lengthy decree, Folks as I continue this cry;

Tis’ boiled down to death upon us if we don’t heed these words, innit?

Heretofore this declaration of outlawed words includes, “Piggy”.

What depraved soul would stoop to call me’ lord, piggy?

Be him taller a man than me’lord for the inspiration, you hero.

Hear ye’ all the next of terms so deemed intrusive of the status quo

My dear towns people, it seems unlikely and sad,

These terms of treason be, “snowflake”, “Sheep”, and “Rainbow”

Pray tell what you talk about Towns people?

How thin the skin of thy lord?

Hear Ye All, this list continues and includes stocks, flogging;

and the threat, no I am sorry the Treat, no, no definitely threat;

Hear Ye’ Me people the THREAT imminent of being drawn and quartered

For speech in contempt of me’lord.

There’s more, Ahem, Hear Further, moor peasants

May no longer say these words either.

“Ice”, “Puppy Slayer” and “Settee Vulture”.

According to the fine print,

Page, fetch me looking glass.

Ah yes, Hear ye lastly;

Outawed is the Remonstration against Me’lord,

Outlawed is the Excoriation of Me’Lord

Outlawed is the Objurgation of the Court of Me’lord

So Mote it be.

Crier out.