Conversations with friends

Recently I was talking to an old friend. He was all like hey you are so busy now. It’s good to see that your depression is gone.

I paused for a moment and asked what makes you think my depression is gone?

He said I can tell by how busy you are. That you have been writing up a storm. It’s not like before where you would be all antisocial and not do anything.

I thought for a moment gathered my thoughts and said

Here is something you may find surprising. The more prolific my writing the worse my depression is.

Here is something else that might surprise you, I fight the good fight. What this means is that I will not allow my clinical depression to defeat me. I will take on projects, make videos, go to cons, socialize with people, do all the things I am supposed to enjoy. I learned a while back that even if the joy I used to feel is not there I should do the things I know I enjoy. I also learned that sometimes I have to push back and be uncomfortable while I do battle with the demon that is Depression.

Don’t get me wrong there are days when I fail and I fail spectacularly. But I will fight the good fight. I have a lot of issues I fight every day. Don’t assume I am just procrastinating if I am not doing anything. Again I am not saying I don’t procrastinate every once in awhile, but most days I am fighting the battle that will let me do what needs to be done. Taking a moment to breathe to regroup to battle on. Or I am overwhelmed and lost in myself. And the lands of self are broad and wide and crossing them are as if going on an expedition in the deep dark jungles. Where the wrong turn, fall or wild animal attack will throw you deeper in.

I appreciate you wish me well. I know you meant well. But try not to lessen my fight. If you want to know something ask. If I feel like answering I will. Or I will say

I Fight the good fight. Or some variation there of.

And if I don’t want to dive into it I will say I am OK. Respect this answer if I want to talk I will talk.

Just don’t assume you know what I am going through. That you have the answer for my ailment. That I just need to get over it or stop being depressed or just be happy. Or stop being lazy or just do this or that.

I know it’s hard to deal with a depressed person. Don’t leave me to stew in my own juices. But be understanding and supportive by checking in on us.

In the end I will appreciate you checking up on me. Or a you got this or this will pass or a simple I am here for you or you are not alone my friend or I just wanted to check in on you. Heck invite me out, but don’t be pushy. It’s nice to know friends want to hang but respect enough to leave it up to me. You don’t know the amazing help these terms and things will do.