Consumed

I can't breathe,

I feel like I'm drowning,

The air forced from my lungs with each exhale,

My body convulsing at the lack of oxygen.

It's all I can do,

To keep,

The hysteria,

Away,

But I feel it,

Bubbling up,

And I know,

Eventually,

It will consume me again.

I have made the right choice,

Mental health over money, wellbeing over wealth,

But waiting is agony.

I need to know.

Because my only certainty now,

Is that that decision will be a light switched on,

A beacon at the end of a tunnel,

The moon breaking through the clouds after a terrible storm.

For now, I stumble around in darkness,

My thoughts threatening to engulf me,

To turn me into a shell,

Of my former self.

I must hold on.

I must keep my head afloat.

I must not drown.

Sometimes I can do it,

There are moments of joy when the pain disappears,

A sweet comment from a child,

An inside joke with a colleague,

A long walk with a friend,

But all too soon,

The darkness returns,

It's shadowy hands clasping me round the throat,

Choking me,

Clawing at my soul.

And I can't breathe.