Consequences

I ache and I wonder,

As my life flies by.

Did I make the right decision this time?

Have I done what He has asked,

Made right the wrong in my past?

Does it ever get easier?

Surrounded by doubts and debris,

Destruction created solely by me,

I double-check and second guess,

Sift through the pieces and sort the mess.

Does it ever get clearer?

Heartbreaking and mind consumed,

My life is cursed, my future doomed.

Hurting and bleeding, I cannot escape.

This pain that I’m feeling is pain that I made.

Can it get any harder?

Not knowing if I’m wrong or right,

I watch the one I love, once bright,

Grow dim with pain and rightfully so.

It was I who dealt that blow.

Can I hurt any deeper?

Awash with guilt, drowned by shame,

I ache to hold her, to end the game.

But it’s not a game, and this isn’t a dream,

I don’t wake up when I begin to scream:

I am the one to blame!