Choose Life

This my pain so I’m just going to have to speak it

And from these words I’m going to introduce my demons , since a kid man we always been beefing god told me this was all part of the plan all the hurt and suffering just made you a man.. untouchable far beyond breach and when people try to doubt u ..then that’s when u teach . Seeking validation? You staying on a leash. To say my life been easy that’s gonna be a reach never had a man to sit down and just teach shit hug me love me hear my thoughts and when I’m feeling down then u try to dig me out so I turned to other things and that shit kind of cost.

Every female that I see they wanna be bops (hoes) they wanna use they body like some props the men gonna try to get a drop or try to tot a Glock pimped by an opinion they ass is in a box , can’t move can’t talk really chained up in some locks.

So me ima have to just stick to what I’m taught. never get lost,always find ur way and when shit gets rocky never stray away don’t listen to what these people got to say .

And when I was a kid my daddy called me gay or fag boy that was his nickname for me every god damn day , teachers sitting wondering why I missed behaved at home in getting raped both emotionally and physically ain’t nothing much to say . Because I’m a kid they ain’t listening to kids them days . I’m getting mentally abused every damn day I couldn’t even watch a movie or hangout with out my step dad making a gay joke I was anexity ridden ! Bc at home I was catching starys…..

You ever been beat by your dad trynna figure out wtf u did to make him that damn mad ? Drugs … drugs will do that to you. You ever been swept off ur feet at the age of 10 chocked.. and when u looked in his eyes u seen the devil . The real devil.. and cloudy smoke. and then he just laugh like ts was all a joke . In the same day listen . This everyday tho . For no damn reason just keep listening , u gon hear my pain but from how im speaking ain’t no way but what that was everyday yea !look..

I had no say… I needed to be saved….it was urgent! I was trying To stand tall but my bridges they way burning ….. my soul felt weak my mind wanted to run , wanted to take my life .. bc my life felt over .. shit damn near done !

My real dad doesn’t even claim me as his son I used to get beat everytime I left my moms men in my life claiming me as they son ? I still wonder why god ain’t bless me with a gun to take me out my misery the real ones I know yall feeling me !

You ever been raped by ur brother feeling so confused and ashamed bc that nigga ur brother well.. it gets worse .. couldn’t even tell ur mother ! But I forgive and I forgot ain’t no need to just sit and let my soul and body rot . For what feel sorry ? Feel bad ? God gave me life ain’t no reason to be mad ! But I could at the fact that my step dad spit a Lougie in my butt when I was a kid like I was his slut . Put hot sauce in my butt mixed it in there with his finger . I lost hope only seen life as a fucking joke so when I got old I just smoked I did coke, adderall , when I’m at party’s I’m trynna find the next address to party at. I was in a hole and outta sight so high up couldn’t even see the light. I’m talkin I had to relearn my body and my whole life . Like I had dreams to be successful the devil stabbed me with a knife thought ts was over but I was improvise , god caught me be surprise .. like thank god for my savior by the name of Jesus Christ thank you. You ever been through a psychosis where your thoughts aren’t even your thoughts ? Trauma harnessing you all at once? Paranoid delusionals ? Hearing voices that’s not yours ? When u look at things it’s just a blur you ever almost kill somebody because your in a manic state but not knowing them people and police won’t forgive you for that rage ! Listen listen listen listen me.. I seek love and I seek life ! No more doing wrongs in my life I strive for happiness! It’s all mine.. I love to smile please don’t waste my time. I’m a soldier.. won’t say it twice .. when it’s all over you gonna say u right . When u feel down just voice it to me . U got beat every day Kam every day every damn day and look at you still!!! Still still still ain’t break or fadeaway! I told my demons yea yall over stayed yall stay!