Chionophobia

Chionophobia

The snow arrives without asking my name,

it settles on roofs and cars like a held breath,

my home wrapped in white, silent and still,

a quiet that knows exactly where I live.

Others call it pretty, a winter gift from the sky,

I see the shine that hides a trap beneath,

each crystal sharp with memory and fear,

each step a question my body will not answer.

I was two years old and the world was small,

my mam holding me close against the cold,

the ice waiting, patient and cruel,

the moment her feet lost the ground.

The fall was quick, the damage forever,

a crack of pain before words had meaning,

snow under us, snow around us,

snow deciding the shape of my life.

Six months inside walls that smelled of tears,

hospital nights that never truly ended,

me screaming for my mum and dad,

my voice wearing thin with every dark hour.

They left each night and took the light with them,

I learned the sound of absence too early,

learned fear before I learned calm,

learned how long a night can last.

My leg wrapped tight in white and time,

my body forgetting how to trust itself,

I watched other children move with ease,

while I counted days instead of steps.

Walking had to be taught back into me,

one painful promise after another,

my feet unsure of the floor beneath,

my heart already wary of falling.

Now the snow returns like it always does,

settling politely outside my door,

people walk through it laughing,

I stay where the ground remembers me.

I watch from the window and feel it creep,

that old tight fear behind my ribs,

the child in me still listening,

for footsteps that might slip away.

This is not just weather to me,

it is history, it is consequence,

it is the reason I choose safety,

when the world turns white and cold.

Chionophobia lives quietly in my bones,

not loud, not dramatic, just true,

a fear shaped by love and loss,

and a fall that never really ended.

It haunts my mind when it starts to fall,

stirring old screams beneath the ice,

churning up the fear of snow and ice,

a memory that still refuses to thaw.

This is my true story. photographs copyrighted to My self Marie381Uk