Cheering From The Shadows.

I Used To Look Up To You.

I Used To Wonder,

How Does She Do It?

That Grace,

That It Girl Thing You Seem To Create.

You Draw Everyone In.

So Effortlessly.

They See You.

They Listen To You.

You’ve Never Questioned

Your Importance To Them.

You Never Had To Earn Their Love.

When It Was So Freely Given.

What’s That Like?

To Be Loved Automatically.

Without Effort.

To Have Their Attention.

Without Paying Them In Blood.

You Think It’s Funny To Debate

If I’m The Favorite.

How Can You Even Wonder?

While I’m Battered, Bruised, And Broken.

You Remain Whole.

You Make The Mistakes

I Take The Fall.

How Does It Feel?

To Be Undeniably Defended.

How Does It Feel?

To Cause Pain You Are Instantly Forgiven For.

Did You Know?

That When You Are Forgiven,

I’m Responsible For Their Explosion.

Did You Know?

That While You Get The Cleaned Up Version Of Their Emotions.

I Get Bloodied From The Beatings Of Their Anger.

You Wonder Why I’m So Silent.

You Wonder Why I’m So Shattered.

Never Understanding.

We Have Never Been Treated Equally.

I Am Beneath You.

I Am Less Than You.

I Am Not Worthy Compared To You.

You Got Happy Memories.

Dance Classes.

Sweet Sixteens.

Parents Who Loved You.

You Could Do No Wrong.

I Could Do Nothing Right.

They Gave You No Expectations.

But Cheered You On Every Step Of The Way.

They Handed Me Expectations.

I Could Never Win.

Even When I Met Them,

They Moved The Finish Line.

I Didn’t Get Cheers,

I Got Critiqued.

Why Didn’t I Do It Better,

Faster,

Smarter?

My Best Was Never Enough.

Not Even Close.

There Was Always Something I Failed To Do.

Always Something I Could’ve Improved.

I Couldn’t Live Up

To Even The Worst Version Of You.

You Were The Child They Prayed For.

I Was The Child They Never Wanted.

The Deck Stacked Against Me

Before I Even Took My First Breathe.

Stuck In Your Shadow

Is Somewhere I Don’t Wish To Be.

See,

The Thing That Kills Me Most.

Is That I Never Blamed You.

I Saw How Special You Were.

I Cheered Right Beside Them.

I Never Thought You Were Undeserving.

I Only Ever Wished

There Had Been Room For Me Too.