cheating

Lights glimmer, white and red and gold.

The stars do too, brighter, and just close enough to touch.

The moon is right within reach; I take a picture, it doesn’t do any justice.

Cutting through the sky, I’m too fast to be held back.

My mind is a mess, working too fast to catch up, making no sense of my thoughts.

Running on little sleep and less caffeine, I can’t quite pen my words even though I dream of worlds in my mind.

I need to buy multiple birthday gifts, but I haven’t yet got paid; I need to think about Christmas presents but who gets what, and when?

My brain won’t let me entertain the passage of time, it has forgone counting the days, and it cannot stand dreaming of the weeks to come.

My heart only races faster as these wheels get closer to the ground.

Does riding on an airplane not feel a little bit like cheating?

My grandfather boarded a ship, at far too young an age with far too little to his name, making a house a home after far too long of a trip.

People rode in carriages and families crossed the country on wagons.

At 9 years old I learned of the efforts of many, of the trials and countless tribulations of more.

My people walked their forests on muddy soles and had less than nothing to say about it.

Some still do.

Between the water and the land, we have had it all and we still looked for more above us.

Aluminum panels hug me tight but cold; welcome yet alarming.

I have never felt more fear nor freedom than when I am in the clouds.

There is calamity in the calmness that I feel when everything looks far too small, and then no longer visible, to my eyes.

My life is in that of another’s hands, and it relies on a system of nerves larger than I can fathom.

Over oceans blue and forests vast, visions flicker in my mind.

Fire crackling and screams piercing, the whooshing of wind and its devastating pull.

I picture the pearly staircase, either that or I really do see it. If I blink, it doesn’t go away.

When I wake up, the lights are still dark and my window is still closed.

I am handed a Biscoff, I am told to buckle up.

I hand my trash off to a nice blonde lady and I raise my music to the highest of volumes.

I lean back, I look out the window.

My heart beats so fast that I no longer feel it, and my brain is finally quiet.

The stars are nothing but dim, silver dots on a vast landscape and the lights are now giving me a headache.

I take three deep breaths and repeat it twice more.

I cheated but at least I made it home.

I cheated but I will feel my mother’s warmth.

I will wrestle with my brother and braid my sister’s hair; I will watch a film with my father and hear the laughter of my friends.

I cheated but I will make it count.