Can't Sleep

I'm tired of being up all night.

Head spinning, denying reality,

Yet desperately trying to understand.

I can't help myself from overthinking this pain.

I wish I had pills to knock out my brain.

Instead I down my alcohol, and I boil in the tub like soup.

"Self care," I like to call it.

My peaceful alone time.

At least when I'm up all night I can talk to the moon.

The night has its own time of devotion.

Why do we waste the night away with sleep instead of appreciating its glory?

I'm glad everyone else can sleep at night.

If they were awake, I wouldn't be able to sneak out.

Outside, the stars are bright, the sky is clear, and the moon is illuminate.

I can hear waves crash along the shore of the beach across the street.

Rap music plays from some neighboring house in the distance.

This was the dream I longed for, right?

I'm a couch surfing drifter.

Living my life from one whim to the next.

I think about following that rap music.

Hiding amongst the shadows of the trees.

I imagine myself in that party.

I wonder what it would be like to join in.

One day I won't be on the outside looking in.