burn in hellfire

don’t know what to say

don’t know what to write

but if i don’t get this out

i’ll never feel right.

i honestly don’t understand

where you get off

on making me feel like hollow bones

till i’m brittle and lost.

it’s partially my fault

giving you the benefit of my doubt

hoping

wishing

that you’d actually care to find out

who i am

what i like

but nothing penetrates

that make-believe world you reside in.

if you didn’t say it, it’s not true

if i don’t listen, that’s a cardinal sin

how ironic it is, the way you live.

you brought me here

picked my soul out the sky

dropped me in your world

with stars in your eyes.

i wish i saw then what that meant

instead, i watched them sparkle and glint

maybe if i did

i wouldn’t be here

breathing fire, completely spent.

i know it’s illogical

i know it’s not a fact

but realizing that

hurts more than all the trauma

from that damn baseball bat.

you never wanted me

you just wanted a toy

“look what i made”

a gilded trophy with no voice.

but you didn’t get that

i was always singing

spreading my soul's light

how annie lou is still with me

truly, i’ll never know.

she was stronger than you

that made her a threat

no matter how many times

you beat her down

she kept her chin high

begging you to do your worst

and you did just that.

yet she still craves validation

the gold in your murky green

until now that is

she’s had enough

you’ve chosen yourself again

and expected her to follow

but this time, we are slaying the dragon

never cowering to that roar again.

you started acknowledging my love

i didn’t see the trap,

this time

the end is for us to write

you no longer get a say in that.

no more care

no more love

no more perfect family that you "adore,"

you’ll see me if i decide it

you’ll hear me when i speak

that's how it’s going to be.

you’ve cut off my hands too many times

hanging them like decorations on the wall

now i’m bionic, indestructible

you made me this way

it’s your fault.

it took me three decades to understand

where my true power lies

i’m taking it and conquering

the demon fire

hiding behind your eyes.

don’t call me

don’t text me

don’t expect me to care

that pool of guilt and shame

i’ve been swimming in since birth

has been drained, it's all clear.

now i can see the starry night sky

now i can see the path i’m meant to follow

a redwood you can't burn down.

if you try,

you’ll feel the generational pain

that was thrust onto me

times a thousand burning suns.

our blood was the same color

now mine’s painted black

i blend in with the night.

good luck trying to find me again

i promise, i’m never coming back.