Brave New Girl

I heard many killers write manifestos.

Well.

I killed my past.

I'm killing this blouse.

I kill when I write,

So here's mine:

I was nobody born to nobodies but warring inside me was loathing my body

My mind played a chess game I could never win and

I wished death on myself because of my sin.

I fell in love too many times, I confess

Was told I was 'too fat' to wear a white dress

Had bullies a plenty, but as I got nearer

I realized my enemy came from my mirror

Hear her?

A little sad. A little broken.

Soft spoken

Here's a token

Of my affection

Words on paper

Just a section

Mention, really

Childhood reeling

Lying feeling

Stealing

Peeling

Me from

Healing...

Forget that

I reject that.

I'm not my past self

Do you get that?

Been through hell,

It has a basement

Inner rooms

And perfect placement

Yet demons preferred my dorm room

In the night I heard things go boom

Shadowy figure stood over me

Disembodied breathing,

crawling feeling

Over my skin

Kill yourself, it tried to chime in

Too bad Satan fell like lightning!

Sucker.

Thought he had me for a minute.

Okay two, but now who's winning?

Don't get it twisted, babe, it ain't me

But when God's for me, who can be against me?

Newsflash,

no body.

You'd have to go through Daddy.

That's funny.

I was adopted from bad girl to baddie.

Does that make me haughty?

A little bit naughty?

Nah, I'm just bragging

Satan's shoulders sagging

'Cause of my King

Jesus!

So where does that leave me?

Made many mistakes

Been paying the price

Each time my heart breaks

But I'm in recovery

Into discovery

Making inquiry

Feel a bit fiery.

Hire me. I bring in the traction.

Listening?

I'm into the action.

Building business, making friends

In my prayer room, throwing hands

Had enough of loser streaking

Quiet now, the boss is speaking.

Here's how things are going down now

You don't get to dictate my frown

You don't get a say in my town

I'm not taking this one lying down

Kill this body? I'm heaven bound.

But you tried that. It's the last round.

Got my gloves on, don't make a sound

Once was lost but now I've been found.

I'm loved, I'm forgiven

Just look at this life I've been given

Husband and kids, one lives in heaven

Don't worry, he's good, up there he is livin'

Down here now I'm working

Time is a shortening

Finding my path

I won't front

I was hurting.

Had bad anxiety

Depression killing me

But now I'm honoring

My past by being free.

To those that I hurt, I am sorry.

To those that hurt me, I forgive.

To ones I have loved but have lost

I wish you happiness, hope and peace.

It was real for me, but I let you be

It's my time to stand, to move, to breathe.

And to God, I say, thank you,

Without you I'm nothing,

but you don't make junk,

And you're doing a new thing.

I choose to believe you.

Make me brave.

Make me good.

Make me new...

'Till I see you.

I love you.