Blue

in the acronym for the rainbow, the “B” stands for blue, it’s a place holder for bodies of water and clear skies, and my nephews eyes. things filled with future, and past, and things we haven’t even discovered yet.

in this communities acronym, the “B” stands for bisexual, it’s a place holder for itself, because it stands alone here. i hold her proudly and she fills me with reds and greens and everything bright and angry and bold.

but bisexual and blue might be the most alike, both holding onto each end of itself like their lives depend on it, i see sadness and joy inside of them both. they yearn to take up so much space but are being forced to shrink themselves down into this one letter. a letter being used to shorten them up, cut them into smaller doses so they’re easier to handle. easier to remember, but for me, i’ll never be able to forget either one of them.

The way it tasted to own my sexuality and my sadness together like long lost friends. I kissed a girl and saw a therapist for the first time both in the same week, and i’ve never felt bigger. i drive while they both sit in my backseat, i feel them catching each other up on the topic of me, them, each other.

i’ve learned to say everything out loud, no more acronyms, no more abbreviations, i’m taking up as much space as i can hold in my hands, and i’m calling it mine. as mine as anything can be.