/BLAK/: Dad

The HEBREW MEANING FOR ANGER IS A QUESTION. . . Where is Father?

I went by my dad’s house the other day, he wasn’t there.

So I waited for him. . . to never show up, It’s as if he was gone in the blink of an eye lash, gone in 60 seconds has now turned into milliseconds wasting away my curiosity, so right now I’m left with all this misdirection as to where he could be or better yet, where he should be.

So when he arrives I’ll remind him. . .

Growing up, I used to see you take trips without even owning a passport, into a distant place far away from your pain, hoping it would be your sweet escape into an ecstasy no drug could Ever offer. Or a Utopia, a safe place to put your depression to rest.

And often, I would ask you, daddy where u goin?

Hoping’ this time you’d tag along as a carry on but those fleeting hopes would be crushed beneath your turbulent response, “Nowhere son, I’ll be back.” As if you factored in my next question, and the cost of your consequences being left on my conscience wasn’t something you could account for. Too much of a Tab to keep on a kid who just wanted his dad.

And Often I would stay and wait for you hoping this time, this time you would bring the rest of you, Or when you left back out you, you would remember to grab you out of the passenger seat. I had nowhere to safely fasten my thoughts.

Now All alone With a void so outstretched it’s out right dangerous to double park in the space between my vacant heart as I would hear the start of your brown Buick on gold spokes vacate our so called “residence” to go to places my innocence had no jurisdiction.

Often, I hoped you didn’t come back, just to remind me of that vacancy you left, or all those vacant seats I could’ve filled.

Yeah, This pain, it rolls deep, I’m in need of something a lil’ more weighty than a Sunday Hymn, and I’ve fought my whole life for a turn to grip the Hem, now quite Frankly all I need is a touch from Him in this hour of defeat

and there it is. . . Not a sweep of thunder in my soul. . . But a touch

now, The love of Christ has allowed me to see my dad for what he is... a man,

and in all of my bright eyed and bushy tailed ambitions, I was trying to put my view of Super on his natural. So no qualms to the one who named me but all Glory and Honor to the one who saved me.

To the one who gave me the name of a king. A man now, once in dire need of answers that were misleading, Instead I stand to say

One Love

from a grateful SON.