Black and Blue

Little black baby they call indigo child.

Bubbling brown skin but her mind is wild.

I understood my appearance in terms of rejection

From the world from society

Despite the affection

Visited on me by mommas and aunties

Predetermined misunderstanding, I found it daunting

To step outside and have strangers think they know you

Them that stood on your shoulders yell down “I don’t owe you.”

Even within my own community

I tore at my skin wondering what is wrong with me

Too light for “ungawa” to dark for “high yellow”

Regarded with derision when I called out “my dear fellow”

And not my brotha’, my sista’

These are my brothers and sisters

But I didn’t code it right

Teachers praised my elocution

By saying I spoke white.

So I learned and I dug with all my might

To find the beginning, where it all went wrong.

To make it my story, to write my own song.

I found a social construct built over hundreds of years.

Sewn into the fabric of our nation ,

Stained with blood and with tears,

Chained by indifference and by fear.

They wrapped themselves in privilege and power

Then listened to jazz in their ivory towers

They said our music is the sound of intellectuals

But our people are criminals? The opposition is dialectical.

But something else happened to me as I grew.

Somehow I turned from black to blue.

At first they said I was simply brilliant,

But in the real world I wasn’t resilient.

I took a beating, and something broke,

The world made less sense the more I spoke.

“Aww honey its just a creative disposition,”

All the while whispering

“go ahead and call a physician.”

That pretty brown baby full of light

Had a brain full of fire and eyes full of fright

In the mirror I saw a motley contusion

All black and blue and full of confusion,

Black or crazy either way I was wrong.

“But wait this is MY story, this is MY song!”

I said to myself as I lost control

As an indigo ocean swallowed me whole.

Just as I found the joy and love of being black

The universe said

“Nah baby its more than that.”

And like before I dug to the bottom

Of soul and of self I dove towards discovery

The whole time wishing I was not me

Wishing blue would let me go

And find the brown baby I used to know.

In the indigo ocean I learned to float

Drowning over and over until I taught myself a stroke

And propelled myself to the shores of past rejection.

I stepped over the bullshit and finally stepped in

To the power of all of my colors.

Black and blue, female and fiery.

Past present future. Turquoise Fuchsia Gold.

Aglow in green grass what a sight to behold.

Before I kept walking I took a moment to turn back

To behold the brown baby the world would call black.

And with all the love and compassion of the rainbow

I changed the color of the words my heart knows.

And I walked away with hope and smile.

Humming a song about a black and blue child.

Little black baby they call indigo child

Bubbling brown skin but her mind is wild.