Behind the Pew...

Here I sit behind the pew...

I've sat here at least a thousand times, it's true.

Raised to follow that Holy Book until the day I die,

And to always be a good little girl and comply.

What if I can't do this anymore?

I cry out as my knees hit the floor.

This is no longer who I am.

I am so past giving a damn!

Can't you see what you are missing?

The lies that you insist on living.

You preach love and acceptance all day long, but do you practice it? Fuck no!

You can't step out of line, you can't say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, become the wrong thing,...the answer is no, no, no.

Do you not see that my God says yes, yes, yes!?

I've tried so hard to be the cookie-cutter version of what you wanted, but I can't.

The fact is, there is no real love in what you teach- there is hate, bigotry, judgment, love with conditions, fear, control, and this is the reason for my rant!

A thousand sermons flash through my mind's eye as I scream with uncontrollable rage.

I cry, I curse, I want to know why all my life feels like just a stage?

The preachers always perform by banging their fists on the pulpit, yelling for attention, saying how I'll go to Hell if I don't live my life the right way.

Tell me, though, who was it I was meant to obey?

You see, I lost track after a while.

Was it the preacher, my parents, God, my whole family?...add them all to the pile.

These things are not fair, not right, and not just.

These things do not align with 1 Corinthians 13.

These are some things I can't for the life of me understand: why religion scares their children with visions of going to Hell, and how is that love?, loving someone of the same sex is forbidden although it hurts no one it is viewed as a dirty, dirty sin and now your going to Hell, why girls are told to stay in line and dress modestly as if it's our job to keep boys from raping us, how we got so far off the mark of God's message of love and forgiveness?

I realize I've probably stepped on some toes, and that's okay. To me, God(the source of the Universe) is a God of love and would never condone hate, bigotry, killing, manipulation, or lies. If you have different beliefs, I hold nothing against you, but I can no longer serve that belief system. Love and Light...