Balloons

A lonely kid on hell's playground

Holding my bright red balloon

Every kid had one, no stand out

But my whole world suddenly became a typhoon

The clouds over my head got dark

My balloon got darker

And while I tried to understand them, tic for tac

They burgeon, fiercer and faster

I tried to let go but couldn't

40, in my palm, no releasing

I look around and notice the unusual

Other kids line up to give me theirs

For some reason I couldn't apply my rejection

Someone stop me please, I have no idea of what I am doing

The more balloons that filled my fickle hands

The more convex my smile became, little muscle bands

I grew in age as my beards sprouted from its roots

I finally gave up letting go of my monochromal balloons

But physics says with this amount, I should fly

But mine drew me to the ground, anvil in surplus supply

I sat in hell, wandering, for what seemed like eternity

Till she came , not to give balloons

But to retract mine permanently

But little did she know I was too comfortable with them in my self-hate cocoon

She tried to force the balloons out of my hands

The strings felt threatened and held on too tight

She insisted and even asked my dormant body for aides

But I was too weak, given up on the years' fight for ages

The strings crawled and surrounded my trachea

The more it felt threatened, the more it increased its tension

She stopped helping and I returned back to how I was, sadder

Maybe even worse because now I feel I am living on extension

I am quick to help others walk through hell

While my life crumbles, like how Jericho fell

Sometimes I feel I know where I went wrong

Doesn't matter, I'm a man with a balloon and a sad clown song

Oh balloons of hurt and pain

Of despair and hopes I never attained

The regrets and trauma of childhood stage

And the fact that the more I try to be better, the worse I mutate.