Anomalous Ambiguity

so i was getting really fucked up

another "day at the office"

and

there i was talking to the dog

he looked neither bored

nor interested

but continued to engage

with me in a civil manner

as i waffled on about magic

electrickery and seismic cliffs

we was both getting learnt

i was trying to explain to him

explain to me

the simple wonder

of LED's and remote sensor devices

devices

de-vices

de as in ex

vices as in dirty sex

as he processed this information

a drool bubble slid slowly

from somewhere within

his left jowl

as he watched me

babble to myself really

that was me

talking

to the dog!

i gave up smoking pot

nearly

three hours ago

i know this because.

that's exactly when i ran out

lol

i’m just vaping now

vape vape vape

cough cough cough

my lungs have taken a dislike

to this course of action

but it's a different

kind of fucked

up now

i’m concentrating

on concentrated

concentrates

 i might be

 i don't know

 i might be.

 i don't care

 i might be

 come here

 i might be

 fuck off

simple and tricky

gross and sticky

rank and icky

temporarily gelded

malice free

i sit here

, pulling the long grey hairs

. from my chin

; pulling them out

‘ one at a time

! letting them fall

? from my fingers

i watch as they spiral

downward to meet the dirt below

there’s no escaping that

the future we are making

fucking scares me

the piss we are taking

fucking scares me

this mess we are faking

fucking scares me

i just need

need to make sure

my brains in gear

before i engage:

- my pencil

- my pen

- my keyboard

- my fuckin phone

i no longer seek balance

or any semblance thereof

content to roll

with the perpetual stoush

it could be perceived as such

but then not lessened

just

available conveniently

transient temporary apathetic atrophy

i never wanted any of this

or maybe i did

i don't know?

i’m still crippled with doubt

i'm still writing it out

sticking a branch down my bum crack

will not make me a forest

no matter how fucking green it is

no more faith

nothing left

no more foundations

nothing kept

dunno

i’ve been to bad

so bring your best

i know things

i wish i didn’t

i’ve been serious sad

moon howling mad

i don’t mind a good curse

or a nice end to a verse

cheap port

cold beer

prescription painkillers

wild turkey and weed

and i don’t think

i’m done yet

no frypans, no eggs

no dumbed down mock alarmist wank

this is

my brain

on drugs

RIP Ozzy!