Am I Guilty?

Why

make me feel bad

for trying to protect

my small red heart?

Why

make me

feel guilty

for recoiling

when scratched

and laughed at.

I'm -

that type of person:

My soft voice often goes unheard

yet even when heard

it's not taken seriously

Can't

be bothered

to talk to others.

Yet

I still try

to get by

in a world of noise

and extroverts

The

quiet silence,

a sweet lullaby

morning meditation.

To detox my airheaded brain

of thoughts

and shame

from failed social interactions

Limited time and resources

to pursue dreams

and creativity

I want

to have friends

but being friendly

is ... exhausting

I'm unsocialized,

impersonal.

I don't get excited easily

I want

to survive in this world

but you need friends to get by.

You need popularity.

= People to love you.

You.

Need.

People.

To.

Love.

You.

Why

do I feel guilty

for trying to protect myself?

Subjecting myself to the same discomfort

Why?

Aren't I depressed enough?

Can't I distance myself?

Yet at the same time.

I know that's

what love is.

Tolerance.

Accepting people as they are.

I

know you are that way.

I want to keep my distance from him.

Because I know he will hurt me.

So

why

make me feel guilty?

Because I want to keep my distance?

Because I find his personality unappealing?

Disappoint me once.

Disappoint me twice.

If it happens a third time... doesn't that make me a fool?

And possibly, just possibly.

I might come to hate you.

...Again.