Am I Good Enough?

I'm standing up

I'm going to speak my mind.

I'm not going to let you tear me down anymore

I've got to stand and

Say everything I need to say

Free my chest from this ungodly hurt.

Free my mind of the thoughts you created.

Thoughts of...

I'm not good enough.

I'll never be anything.

I'll be miserable and die alone because I don't have you anymore.

You're dead to me now.

You never admitted to your mistakes.

You were never to blame.

You can't mess with my head anymore.

I'm standing up.

You're not going to find me cowering behind your shadow anymore.

The bells are ringing,

One day those will be victory bells.

I'll be able to run circles around you.

These feelings,

These crippling emotions,

Will no longer weigh me down.

I'm no longer drowning, suffocating, or struggling to breathe.

I'll jump off the ledge, over into the deep end.

And I'll fight my way through.

~

You're a memory now.

One I'd love to learn to hate

Maybe once there was hatred

Back a year ago when I was boiling

Maybe now there's a sense of peace

My inner child offering a hand

And a sense of forgiveness

I've found that some days are always tougher

I've found the strength to believe in myself again

That was the hardest part

Sitting there begging for your affection

And then learning to embrace myself.

It took time,

It took effort,

But once the crown was placed on my head

I refuse to bow my head anymore

I sat on the throne

Daring you to try to take it away from me again.

Nevermore. I'll smile.

I'll not hide behind the veil anymore.

~

Somedays I wish I didn't care.

Somedays are harder than others

Was I just a game for you?

The mouse you kept carefully caged and secluded?

I bet you never anticipated the changes

You never realized that eventually

I'd morph into a beast

I'd learn to protect myself against your sly and cloaking nature

One day, I'd change into the wolf protecting Little Red.

One day, the menace would lie within my eyes

The hurt,

The pain you put me through

Would forever change my perspective

On how to duel,

On how to fight against you.

~

Don't count me out yet.

I did love you

I cherished you.

Placed you high up on that white horse like a knight in shining armor

It just turns out that I was the beast

The dragon you slayed for your mantle.

There's still so much anger here.

So much conviction for a better ending than the one I was dealt.

I'm gone.

Ripped you from my life

Tore out every photographic memory from my house

Threatened to burn them to ashes.

I wanted to free my spirit from your grasps.

So I did!

~

I'm looking towards my future.

Quietly judging every person who crosses my path because of you.

I'm wondering if these feeling will every subside.

I'm still hopelessly fighting to be good enough for someone new.