Always the Enemy

I have no one to blame but myself.

They say to keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

My enemies are a conglomerate.

Just a single entity.

I keep mine so close it consumes me.

I am my own worst enemy.

Screaming and shouting, pushing and pulling.

Always at a standstill where I sit still, paralyzed and staring.

Nothing comes easily; it is a never-ending struggle.

Motivation hindered by doubts.

Inspiration smothered by fear.

Energy siphoned by rumination.

Perfectionism does it all.

A multi-faceted perpetrator.

Inching the bar a little higher

Up

And

Up

And

Up

Until it is a speck in the sky.

A balloon aiming for the stars

Disappearing into the atmosphere

Eventually the pressure inside is too great

It cannot be contained

The balloon bursts

Debris falling to the ground.

Deflated, defeated, despondent.

Patch the pieces back together

But they are never the same

Like glass heated and cooled

Heated and cooled

Until it fractures.

Let the imperfections calcify

Weaken my bones

Until they shatter.

How my writing flourished

And then floundered

Wilting like an underwatered flower.