Alone

You are here. I can reach out and touch your hand, your face, your hair.

You are here in body, I can see you sitting next to me.

But you haven’t been here for a while, have you?

Your mind has been other places. Which I understand.

Minds wander, sometimes you aren’t all there for a while and that’s okay.

You have always been a daydreamer.

Your mind goes to places more beautiful than my wildest dreams.

I know you. I know your mind, and how you are when it wanders...

But when your mind left this time… It was different.

Because along the way, you lost the little things.

The little things that made me love you endlessly.

Your enthusiasm for crossword puzzles,

Sitting out and looking at the stars,

Pulling me outside to dance in the rain like we’re in a black and white movie

The way you held my hand when things got tense in Law and Order.

And with those little things, went your feelings… for me… any thought of me.

Any trace of me has been pushed from your mind.

When my mind wanders…

I forget to water the plants.

I forget to take out the trash, or wash my clothes but NEVER have I forgotten you.

Never have you looked into my eyes and seen the nothingness I get from yours everyday.

I just want to claw through the nothingness and rescue the soul that without it, my body is trembling with withdrawals.

I am addicted.

Each and everyday feels like something is missing, and I have been scrambling, reaching, overcompensating until you would come back and fill the hole you always filled.

Bring back my routine, my sanity, my stability, because it is not fair when the one thing you could always count on… Disappears… With no way to get it back.

All my life, I have loved more than I have received.

I do everything in my power to make people feel happy and loved, stable and cared for, important and beautiful…

Because that is how I am! I give more than I have so that nobody ever has to feel like I do.

I have spent so many hours, investing in you, learning to live with you because I believed you…

I have always thought forever was too good to be true, but when you offered it…

I believed you.

I believed your promises,

I believed that you and I saw the world the same and I believed you would never hurt me.

That you’d rather do anything else in the world than hurt me.

I’m not bleeding, but I’m hurt.

I’m hurt that you left and didn’t think to take me.

I’m hurt that wherever you go, you keep leaving pieces of yourself behind...

Pieces I love and would have picked up before it was too late.

All of this hurts, it hurts but you know what breaks me?

You know what grinds my heart to dust a little more everyday?

The hope.

The hope that you’re coming back.

The hope that the hole in my life won’t be empty forever.

The hope that you will come back and take me with next time.

You’ll smile, and be sorry… And I’ll forgive you because I love you…

Just take me with. Take me with you. TAKE. ME. WITH. YOU.

Where are you?

I want to come.

I always want to come.

Where did you go?

Why can’t I come?

You always let me come.

Why can’t I this time?

Are you coming back?