Alive Again

I was dead for so long

Today I am alive

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Thinner

Maybe wiser

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I went a lot of days

Not knowing

When, how, or what

I’d eat that day

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Sure, I was living inside

But the cupboard was bare

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My cupboard

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Because the boy had to eat

And there was only food for one

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When there was enough food for two

My wife ate as well

When there wasn’t

She didn’t

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I could forage grocery store samples

Break room snacks

Odds and ends I could find

Feast or famine

<

Now it’s better

But then

I was dead

Just didn’t give a shit

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Sucking in air I didn’t smell

Eating food I didn’t taste

Feeling nothing most days

Love for a few

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I was dead

A long time

Even when I found words again

Vomiting them by reflex

Until I scribbled enough

To truly tap the vein

And bleed on the page

<

Leeching

Letting the poison out

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Now I am alive

I feel love again

<

For my wife

Friends

Nieces

Even my team at work

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I am grateful

Alive enough

That I savor the flavor

Of the dry, stale trail mix

On my plane ride home