Agathokakological

Early riser for a day passer
Hurried walker for an expendable with minimal obligation
Hour break, hour for immersion. Even if it's just a toe dip
Freedoms easiest form
Streaming
Endless places, endless people
Met in the still of my decision
The sunlight beating down, burning, tanning skins, as I pull the shade tight
The rectangular glow from the corner lighting the room
Giving a more flattering complexion Like those I watch
Hiding lines from anger, joy, thought, confusion and days at the beach, of life
Perfect darkness to lose myself
My life
Maybe find parts of myself again
Secretly see memories
Find an interest
For a moment
Hoping to laugh, solve a mystery, join a mission, meet a genius, gawk at an unattainable hottie, feel appreciation, avoid a cry
I understand all too well
But want to feel the pain
Watch what I could never be
Chess move after chess move, perplexed by the complexity
Wishing for the drink on others lips, company others keep, houses others roam, life others lived, a more perfect pain from hardship
More Deserved
Interesting
How can humans do and be so many things
While killing,
Others and always themselves
In some way
Drinks, drugs, and love
Always Agathokakological love
Romance I claim to not understand
True romantics curse themselves with love
Devouring every line
Falling in the dark
Sold by the best
Thank God I'm not with an actor
I'd never know
It must be different than what we all do everyday
It must
It must be worth something
Then write!
Writing as offerings
Make the perfect script!
As amends
Repeating words, chanting ideas, changing events, turning over plots
Until the characters are visible
In each motion
In each emotion
Until I hate writing and watching
Until I can't
Stories cripple and linger as haunting bad moods and unexplainable attitude
Until it all blends together
Muddled genres like the muddled drinks people make to forget
Until I write a script as an affront to movies
No one could make it work
The structure unfamiliar
Too strange and too real to make sense
Confusing as the world it sprung from
Was that the point
Maybe,
If I weren't me
But there's always tomorrow
To be me and not me, just pieces
Hold on to the familiar or forget with new
Find a perspective
More pieces
Pretend to try again
Knowing the effort  protects the vulnerability
Like padding around an egg for an egg drop challenge expirement
Excuses to avoid failure
Proving my time was wasted
Until I need to fill the room with the professionals again
knowing the devils in the details
While avoiding him
Backlight as a spotlight